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Enough Talk.

Ok. So by now, you’re either freaking out or wondering why everyone else is. I’m going to lay off the political posts for a while. Instead of complaining and shouting on here, I’m going to start contacting my representatives. I encourage you to do the same, should you feel it necessary.

 

As for this blog, we will go back to talking about fantasy fiction. Superheroes, monsters, and knights. Stuff like that.
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Super Bowl PSA

Hey, folks. Quick reminder that the NFL retains full copyright and trademark privileges for the words “Super Bowl.” So whether referring to your Super Bowl party, planning to attend the Super Bowl, or discussing the results of the Super Bowl after Super Bowl Sunday, please remember to refer to the Super Bowl only as the “Big Game” and not the Super Bowl. 

By law, only the NFL is allowed to call the Super Bowl the “Super Bowl.” I know it’s ridiculous, but sometimes that’s just the way the super bowls.

Go Falcons! Here’s hoping you manage to defeat the Pats during the Super Bowl to win Sunday’s Super Bowl on Super Bowl Sunday!!


No matter who you’re rooting for, please be safe on Super Bowl Sunday while watching the Super Bowl. Be safe getting home after the Super Bowl is over. And never, ever call the Super Bowl the “Super Bowl.”

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!

Super Bowl.

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How to Survive as an Autistic Adult in America

Lots of HFA/Aspie/autistic adults such as myself may find it difficult to do even the simplest of non-disabled tasks. Tasks such as driving a car, moving out of your parents’ house, or even finding someone cute who likes you back can be monumental hurdles for adults with disabilities, especially if those disabilities are primarily mental, such as with autism.

Luckily, I’ve come up with this 5 step guide to help you, as an American with autism, survive in today’s world.

Step 1: Be a Techie

codemonkeys

If you have autism, you need to love computers. I don’t just mean video games. You need to love coding, assembling microchips, providing IT support, and all that good stuff. If you are more artistically-minded or if you don’t live anywhere close to Silicon Valley, stop doing that immediately. People with autism are not allowed to be artists, unless they are already well-off with a lot of established connections. The arts — especially the world of publishing, comics, and literature — is no place for a low-to-middle class person with autism and no connections. You need to be a techie, no matter how much you hate it or how little talent/motivation you have for it.

Step 2: Be Grateful

As a disabled adult, your primary purpose is to give non-disabled people inspiration. You’re supposed to help other people realize that they have the inner strength necessary to overcome life’s problems. Your own problems don’t matter. No  matter how bad your life is, remember that you don’t get to complain ever. Complaining, like job satisfaction, is for those of sound mind and body only. So be grateful for everything you have, even if everything you have would reduce a non-disabled person to a quivering  mass of horror and panic were your situations reversed.

Step 3: Accept All Advice

People are going to be giving you advice. No matter how terrible it is, you have to take it. If you don’t, you are Ungrateful. And there is nothing worse for a disabled person to be than Ungrateful. Remember, techniques that people without disabilities say work will work for you, even if you’ve already tried them to no avail 14,000 times. Clearly, you are not trying hard enough or you just aren’t doing it right. Try their advice again and again. But remember, even if you do go quite mad from all this effort, you are not allowed to complain or even to politely decline anyone’s advice. Unless that advice comes from someone else with a mental or physical disability. Their experience doesn’t count.

Step 4: Remember that Your Opinions, Feelings, and Interests Do Not Matter

title_card_all_your_fault

All that matters in this world is what other people tell you matters. Your own opinions or feelings don’t come into it. Remember, your emotions, no matter how uncontrollable they may seem, are your own fault. If you feel a constant sense of dread that lasts for hours, days, weeks, or even months, it is entirely your fault because you are clearly too weak. You need to be stronger. Pray more, accept more advice, keep doing what other people tell you to do, even if it doesn’t make any sense. You don’t have a right to an explanation, a sense of peace or serenity, or a life filled with anything more than constant drudgery punctuated by joy. You don’t have any rights at all.

Step 5: It’s All Up to You

In the end, the only person who can help you succeed is you. If you’re not able to make the right connections or find the best jobs or if you blow an interview because you get manipulated into mentioning the fact that you do not drive, it’s your fault. You need to do better and try harder next time. It’s your responsibility to keep emailing contacts, even if you’re pretty sure at this point you’re just harassing them. Think outside the box, unless the advice-givers tell you not to.

It’s up to you to go and get that career/relationship/life other people think it’s within your ability to get. And if you can’t rise to their expectations, let alone your own, it is because you are weak. Remember, there are lots of famous people from history that we think may have probably didn’t have autism. So if you’re not at least as successful as them, it’s entirely your fault.

Step 6: Think Positive

cthulhu_by_mobius_9.jpg

While these steps may seem impossible, as you slowly allow yourself to go insane, you will begin to realize just how small we all are on this pathetic planet. You will realize that you are indeed the Lizard King and can do anything. As you tear through the veil separating this world from the next, rejoice and sing a song of fire and blood that brings this world to its knees. Remember, anything is possible!

toxic-inc

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Never Mind

It ain’t broke. Let’s not mess. Bubblegum-Man will resume when I have enough content for 6 months or so of updates. Until then, enjoy random musings as always.

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Welcome back! – UPDATE

Hey folks. As you can see, we’ve gone through a couple cosmetic changes: TheOptimistsUmbrella.com is now conqcomix.net. The content hasn’t really changed that much. We’ll still be putting up Bubblegum-Man comics (issue 3 on the way, promise), as well as posting updates on my creative works and for the site as a whole under the “State of the Conq” category and blogging on a variety of subjects in the “Side of Conq” category. Bubblegum-Man will continue to use the “Bubblegum-Man” category and will still update at the top of the page. Comics like In His Spare Time and Apples and Oranges (coming soon-ish) will update with the blog postings. Hope you like the new layout! Let me know what you think. If you haven’t read Bubblegum-Man yet, now’s the time to get caught up on issues 1 and 2. Just click on the links below.

Bubblegum-Man #1

Bubblegum-Man #2

These two issues will be getting remastered in the near future, with clearer dialogue and tighter plotting. Keep your eyes out for that!

UPDATE: For convenience and old times’ sake, TheOptimistsUmbrella.com and williambrust.com will both still direct to this site.

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Summer Break

Hey folks. The site is going on a long hiatus. I’ve realized this blog/website is not focused enough, and there needs to be more new content on a weekly basis.

Much of the plan is TBD for now, but here are the ideas I have so far:

  • I will finish crafting the next three issues of Bubblegum-Man. Once they are done, the site will update automatically on a weekly or possibly bi-weekly basis (oooooh, fancy).
  • More IHST and new comics updating on an irregular basis.
  • I will hire or find a guy or gal to help me make the website look more professional. Maybe figure out how Black Mudpuppy gets his comic to update just by clicking on it. (Witchcraft? Probably not.)
  • The content of the blog will be more focused. I’d rejected the specialization trend in blogs and sites, but you know what? It seems to be what the people want.
  • New hats. Ok, maybe not new hats.

We should be back at the end of the summer. If not, just keep waiting.

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“It’s the only argument I need, Shawn!”

Iron2

Hi, my name is Iron Man, and I think superheroics need to be regulated by the government. It’s very important. A lot of us have powers and abilities that can cause untold devastation, enough to make Nagasaki look like a day at Chuck E. Cheese. We need to be answerable to someone, somewhere. We can’t just be cowboys.

Cap

Hi, my name is Captain America.

Iron2

Iron Man here again. Look, I understand folks are concerned about their civil liberties. But really, this is not a valid argument in this instance. Would it be against civil liberties to make sure nobody can blow up your entire town just by thinking bad thoughts? Do we really want a world where the Hulk destroys Tuscon because he ate a bad burrito?

Cap

My name is Captain America.

Iron2

Look, at some point, we have to make sacrifices. In order to live together in a free and just society, people have to feel safe and cared for. We can’t do that if people can run around shooting fireballs out of their eyes every time the Pats win the playoffs. It’s all about personal responsibility. How can a democracy function if the gods who live in it cannot be  held accountable for their actions?

Cap

My name is Captain America.

Iron2

Stop it, Steve! This is serious!

Cap

I am taking this very seriously, Tony. And my name is Captain America.

Iron2

You’re acting like a child.

Cap

A child named Ca-

Iron2

Don’t say it!

Cap

Childnamedcaptainamerica.

Iron2

Ahhh!

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The Next Three-Quarters: Good Ending

Something I wrote a while ago, when I was tired of feeling sorry for myself. Hopefully, this will bring you some peace as it has for me. I wrote this over a year ago, when I was thirty and feeling it. (Some parts are edited for content and surprise, as I fully intend to propose to whoever I wind up with at the location indicated in this piece, and I want it to be a surprise!)

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            Sad endings are easy. You don’t really have to do anything to get the worst possible ending. Here’s the worst possible ending: Everyone dies slow, in pain, alone. The end.

But what about a happy ending? What if everything goes right? What would that look like and how would I get there?

Conq worked very hard and managed to get his novel published within the next few months. He published a few short stories, and within the year, his reputation within the scifi/fantasy community was established. He earned enough money from his writing to quit his job at Walgreens and move out of his parents’ house. Towards the middle of 2014 [sic], he moved into his new home, an apartment in midtown Atlanta. As he began spending more time with his old church pals and other friends, he met a beautiful redhead with a penchant for spaceships and hard CANDY. She liked his writing, and he was pretty impressed with her own artistic endeavors. They both liked Doctor Who and lasagna. They went out for a year, after which William proposed to her at the CANDY STORE atop the CANDY STORE. She said yes, and they were wed as the ball dropped on 2016 [sic]. They honeymooned in Europe and had CANDY across several notable landmarks. Lots and lots of CANDY. It was pretty neat. Anyway, they had some kids and things got a bit more complicated. The pressures of family and work and their disparate artistic ventures threatened to drive them apart, but they got through it. Their kids went on to do great things. Conq and his wife got old and moved to Hawaii, where they died in their mid-120s. They were buried on the side of a volcano, like a pair of badasses. Because that’s who they were, who they’d always been, and who they’d always be..

I didn’t move out of my parents’ house in 2014. It’s 2016, and I’m still as single as ever. My journey is taking longer than I’d wished.

But I still hope to meet someone special who thinks I’m not so bad either.

And I still would like to be buried in the side of a volcano.